A wedding is
by Seftimiu
Summary: Prompt: Barry gets wind of a big super villain get-to-gether, and brings in his JLA buddies to stop...a wedding? Slash: Piper/Trickster


Title: A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.  
Rating: PG?  
Author: Seftimiu aka Brain Freeze Warnings: Crack. Lots of crack. And I kind of took part of a handfasting ceremony and twisted it a little bit. No offense is meant to anyone who might not like that. (But I so prefer handfastings to regular weddings. And it fit in better with the magic user.)

Disclaimers: I don't own them. I don't make money off of them. I also don't own Valentina Hellebel. She's a Dutch character in a series of books. I took liberties with the character so she's not canon. (She's also based on an RP character used with permission of the mun.)

Prompt/Challenge:  
Barry gets wind of a big super villain get-to-gether, and brings in his JLA buddies to stop...a wedding? You choose the pairing who's getting married.

"Trickster." Flash had his hands on his hips in 'heroic pose number three' in the hero guide. "What are you up to?" He asked.

Trickster blinked slowly, looked down at his feet, and then looked up at Flash. "I'm... I... I think this is called walking? I know. Novel concept. But see, I heard about it from a friend of mine, and well... he's a bad influence, you see. So I thought I'd give it a try. You put one foot in front of the other, like so. And then... you're... walking! Cool, huh?" Trickster held his arms out in a 'ta-dah' fashion. "I think I've almost got it. Next week? I'm going to try to chew gum at the same time!"

Flash sighed. "Are you done yet?"

"Well, I was going to try to cross the road, you know, like the chicken? To get to the other side?" He rubbed his chin. "But maybe that's a bit too adventurous. Perhaps I should just stay over here, not risk getting hit by cars or super-heroes?"

"I want to know what you are up to." Flash stated this time. He shifted into heroic pose number two. Arms over his chest, looking down his nose.

"About one eighty? I blame the donuts. Boomerang has been bringing them every Sunday, after church. It's hell on my waistline." Trickster patted his stomach and sighed woefully. "I think spandex was a really bad idea. I'm going to go with denim if this keeps up."

"Trickster." Flash said in a low voice.

"You've been hanging out with Batman again, haven't you? I can always tell..." Trickster shook his head, a woeful look on his face.

"What, are you up to? And no more jokes!" Flash warned, holding up a finger.

"Who was joking? Do I look like the Joker to you? Green? Is sooooo not my color." He fluttered his eyelashes, and flipped his hand over.

"No. Blue is your color." Piper assured as he stepped out of the building that Trickster had technically been waiting in front of. "The stripes make you look fat."

"Stripes are sliiiiming. All the fashion magazines say so! I thought it was my butt that made me look fat." Trickster tried to look at his own ass to no avail. "And, should I really take fashion advice from someone that periodically wears polka dots?"

"They lied to you. Stripes are 'not good'. But yeah, that too. Your butt is definitely getting bigger." Piper nodded, his arms full. "Now, will you get off said butt, and help me?" He shoved a bag into Trickster's arms, completely ignoring Flash, as well as ignoring the jab about polka dots.

"Do I look like a servant to you?" Trickster asked, but still took the bag in his arms and then put his head in it, breathing deeply.

"Would you stop that." Piper reached out and lightly popped him on the back of the head. "No one wants you snuffling over their food."

"What did you get?" Trickster asked, turning and walking away, completely forgetting he was being interrogated by the Flash.

"You would know, if you had gone in with me. I asked you to come in and give me your input. But did you do so? Noooooooo." Piper stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes. He wrapped his arms around the bag and held it in front of him as he turned to follow Trickster down the street.

Flash gaped for a moment before following them. "I wasn't done talking to you. Now, I know you're up to something. And I want to know what it is!"

Trickster sighed, looking toward the sky and then down at the ground. "We're catering a huge big-bad-villain get together this weekend. We're going to take over the world. Fruit Loops will be the new currency, and every Friday will be naked day."

"Oh, no." Piper winced. "Please let's not. Because, let's face it, there are some people we do NOT want to see naked. Ever. Captain Boomerang to name one example..."

Trickster froze in place, seemed to think about it and then did an all over body shudder while gagging. "Okay, my mind went to bad places. Yeah. Let's not do that. Friday will just be causal day, how's that?"

"Much better!" Piper nodded. "Seriously? Flash? We're not up to anything. We're not doing anything important. I went grocery shopping. That's all. Trickster knows how to cook, believe it or not. It's just dinner."

Trickster sniffed haughtily. "Just dinner? Well. With that attitude, it's no wonder you rarely get laid. And after I cook and slave over a hot stove. You're on the couch tonight! No dessert!"

Piper sighed. Then in a monotone he recited. "You are the God of all things Culinary. We bow before your expertise. We delight in your delicious delicacies. Please forgive me, O'wonder of the kitchen?"

"You are forgiven. This time." Trickster said grandly. "I might put out after all. MIGHT!"

"Oh. Joy." Piper rolled his eyes, crossed them, and then rolled them the other way. "My life is now complete."

"You're my witness, Flashy-pants. He said it. I complete him." Trickster grinned.

"I'm going to beat you with celery." Piper threatened him.

"Oh, kinky. But I prefer rubber chickens. Safe sex and all!" Trickster waggled his eyebrows. "Sorry, Flasher. Places to go, things to see, people to do. You know how it is!"

Flash waited until they had turned the corner before he zipped off, looking for one of his reliable informants. There was something going on, he could feel it in his bones. And he was going to get to the bottom of it, one way or another.

It was difficult pinning his informant down. The man in question was already drunk before Flash could figure out which bar he was hanging out in. He had to wait till he was staggering out again, and then pulled him off into the alley.

"Whoaaaa... urk."

Flash used speed to get out of the way, before he needed to change his uniform again. Sometimes, super powers saved more than just lives. It saved on laundry too.

The man leaned against the wall and gave Flash a bleary look. "Oh man, come on... can't this wait till morning?" He slurred, his head banging against the wall behind him with a wince.

"I need information." Flash told him, once again using a low voice.

"Been hangin' out with Batman again?" The drunk asked, squinting through his buzz at him.

Flash pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. "The Rogues, particularly Trickster and Piper. What are they up to?"

The man pushed his hair out of his eyes and groaned. "Oh, not them. Look, they'll kill me if I talk."

"No they won't. They'll never find out. Or if they do, they'll be in jail and won't have the opportunity." Flash told him, arms over his chest. "Now, tell me, Eric. Before I have to take you in for public drunkeness."

"Weak." The man protested, but then sighed. "I've heard a few things. Nothin' specific. Big ta-do goin' on. Rogues are hostin' it. Lots of out-of-towners invited, includin' Luthor. Only, he's comin' in under a different name, because he doesn't want to admit his assoc-asso-the fact that he knows criminals." The man stuttered through it. "Not sure what they gonna be doin'. But big money will be there. Maybe they're havin' an auction, or sumptin?" He shrugged. "All I know, man."

He was left alone in the alley as Flash disappeared, wind ruffling his clothes and the garbage. "Urk." He slid down the wall and passed out.

"Criminal auction? Super-weapon?" Superman suggested. "If Luthor is there, even undercover, it can't be anything good. Was he able to tell you anything about any of the others invited? Or where it would be?"

Flash shook his head. "No, just that my Rogues are hosting it. And that there was a lot of out-of-towners involved."

"Probably hosting it outside of Metropolis, so I can't find whatever it is." Superman frowned, crossing his arms on the table.

Flash felt an almost absurd need to defend his Rogues. "It could be something one of them invented. They may not go for the rule the world method, but when it comes to inventing weapons, they're not too shabby themselves."

"Luthor rarely needs anyone to--" Superman started, but was interrupted by a raised hand.

"It doesn't matter who invented what. What matters is someone is going to be buying some kind of weapon that will be used against one of us eventually. And that is what we need to put a stop to." Batman said in a low gravelly voice.

"Frontal assault?" Green Arrow suggested.

"I think stealth is more called for in this case. If we can get them all there together, catch them in the act with evidence, we can put them all away in one swoop. Two part plan. Some of us get in there, and then we can call the rest in to close the trap." Batman raised his chin. "I don't think Matches on his own could get an invite, but he might be able to wrangle one through some contacts. But we don't have much time."

"We're going to have to move fast." Flash agreed.

Green Lantern made a slight face.

"What?" Flash asked, frowning at Hal.

"It's just that, why do you get lines like that? I mean, seriously. The Flash saying 'we have to move fast?' Couldn't you at least make the effort not to be so... cheesy?" GL sighed. "That's like me saying 'the grass is always greener' or something. Or that I'm 'green with envy'."

"Can we argue about this later?" Flash asked, glancing at the other heroes. "Slightly more important things going on here."

"Yeahhhhh, but..." Green Lantern gave him a warning look.

"No more lame jokes." Flash promised.

"Yeah, right." Batman muttered, turning from the table and heading out.

Flash sighed. "I swear he drives me batty."

Green Lantern gave no warning before smacking Flash upside the head.

Matches and his latest gal arrived in Central City the next day. He didn't actually have an invite, per se. Not yet, at least. But he was going to feel around and see if he couldn't find out what all the whispering was about.

It was entertaining to Barry that Dinah wore more clothing as a gangster's girlfriend than she did as Black Canary. Not that he'd say that aloud. He liked his eardrums where they were, thankyouverymuch!

They'd gone to three bars before he got a nibble and a hint. "James Jesse and Hartley Rathaway, right? Trickster and Pied Piper? Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. They were in here last night. Something about needing a semi at this point. James, he can be a bit loud. Hart though, he's a bit quieter. He kept shushing him. Said they were going to have to get a bigger place, at this rate. Not sure what exactly they were needing." The man at the counter admitted.

It was on the fifth bar that they hit paydirt. An 'out of towner'. A guest. At least, that is what he called himself. "Oh, you're talking about this weekend? Yeah, I'm going. Ain't you invited?" The man flicked his ashes into the tray and snorted. "Must not be important, huh? Hey now, easy does it. No weapons." He glared at Matches. Matches felt the weapon in his hands turn to rubber and then putty. It slipped between his fingers. "There. No need to be all worked up."

"If you weren't invited, it might be that you're not known. Period." The man told him. "I ain't ever heard of you." He shrugged.

"Well, then that makes us even. Cause I have no idea who you are either." Matches shook his hand out and glared. "That was my favorite knife."

"You'll get a new favorite." The man shrugged. "And the code name is Melt. Yeah, yeah, no comments from the peanut gallery. I know it is lame. But do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with anything original in this day and age? Everyone and their brother has already picked out all the really 'cool' names." He made a face. "Eventually? I'll come up with a better one." He shrugged.

"Let me guess... you melt things." Matches said blandly as he poked the remains of the knife.

"Yeahhhhh... you make due with what ya got." Melt admitted. "But seriously, why do you want in so bad? You're not going to try and take someone out are you? Don't think that would go down too good." He shook his head. "Supposed to be a real friendly get together. Nothing dangerous. Good times."

"No. I'm not carrying out any contracts. With the names that will be there? I'm not even a meta. I wouldn't get out the door before I was dead." Matches shook his head. "But might be a good way to network. Get in there, make some connections. Talk to people. Get my name out there so that people WILL know me."

Melt nodded to himself and then finally said. "Okay, I can see how that would work. Figure that is why so many are coming anyway. Look, you meet me here tomorrow night. There's a preliminary party bout seven pm. No business is to be discussed during that time. No one will want to hear it. Don't bring the girl. It's men only, if you catch my meaning." He winked and smirked. "But if you have friends? They can come too, but no weapons allowed. They're checking at the door. And metas are expected to behave themselves, as well. Security will be heavy. No costumes or capes. We don't want that kind of attention, ya know?"

Matches flagged down the bartender and bought Melt a drink. "Gotcha. I'll meet ya then."

"Wow, if I knew you had this many friends, I would have brought the station wagon." Melt blinked at the five big men that stood in front of him. Melt wasn't a really big man, himself. He was also very nondescript. Average. Hair, brown. Short. Size, medium. Height, average. Even his clothes were mundane.

Matches introduced his friends. Harry (Hal), Henry (Barry), Calvin (Clark), and finally Jonas (Oliver). They dwarfed Matches if not by height then by bulk. It wasn't hard to believe that the man was a trifle bit intimidated.

"Wow." Melt said again. "So, you guys, like, belong to a gym or something? Or are you all just you know, getting buff from beating people up?"

Matches glared and Melt nodded. "Riiiiight. Okay. Well... um, squeeze in. And for God's sake, don't do anything to get ME in trouble. Some of the big names are going to be there tonight. Play nice. Have fun. And... oh yeah no death!"

Melt was nervous the entire ride there, while the other five were merely tense.

Melt pulled into a parking lot and then got out. He straightened his jacket, pulled at his tie and cleared his throat. "Okay, some of the guys that's going to be here tonight? They can be annoying. I admit that. But you just have to roll with it. You know? Have a sense of humor, ignore it, and smile and nod. You'll go a lot farther. Okay? If you're really wanting to network, you just have to... roll with it. Don't worry about anyone like the Joker. He wasn't invited."

"We get it. Don't worry." Matches pulled out a toothpick and stuck it in between his teeth. "We're not going to make you look bad. We're not here to start trouble."

The other man looked toward the sky, seemed to say a prayer and then nodded, heading to the door. The door flew open before he could touch it, and an extremely thin man wobbled out. "BEST PARTY EVAH!" He shouted. "I'm KING OF THE WORLD!" He spun in a circle, and then fell to the ground in a heap.

A blond head popped out the door and looked down. Trickster, without his uniform. "Oh man, I am NOT cleaning that up." He swore as he shook his head. "Hey, someone want to get Slim out of here? Before someone steps on him?" He called back into the building.

Boomerang, again out of uniform, muttered and bitched as he pushed past Trickster and grabbed the villain's leg and dragged him back into the building. "...bloodygoddamncleanup." He muttered. "I better get a chance to get wasted tonight too!" He yelled at Trickster as he passed by.

Trickster rolled his eyes and sighed. "Good help, is so hard to find." He told the newcomers. "Now, let's see... you would be... don't tell me." He put a finger to his head and then snapped them together as he remembered. "Melter?"

"Just Melt. In from up North." The man nodded. "These are my guests."

"No offense, but we have to check you." Trickster frisked Melt while Heat Wave and Captain Cold came out and helped frisk the others. "Off you go. Be sure to leave tips for the waitresses! And remember? No business tonight. Nada. None. ZIP!"

Warily, the five men entered the building. The room was dark and it took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust.

"Iris is going to killllllll meeeeee." Barry said beneath his breath.

"Dinah is going to shoot me with my own arrows." Ollie clicked his tongue and sighed.

Embarrassed, Clark quickly looked down at his feet, scratching the back of his neck and cleared his throat. His face was as red as Flash's uniform usually was.

"I... really like this mission." Hal smiled slowly as one of the waitresses sashayed past them and winked.

"I can't complain." Bruce raised his brows.

"Can I leave?" Clark whispered.

"Nope." Bruce said almost cheerfully. "You're stuck here." He was taking a perverse joy in Clark's discomfort. "Now... mingle."

Clark rubbed a hand over his eyes and spun around to head to the bar. Of course, there was no reprieve once he sat down. His eyes widened at the flesh that was nearly thrust into his face.

"Hey, shugar. What can I get you?" The topless bartender asked. She jiggled as she giggled and Clark covered his eyes, and groaned in despair. He should not feel this cornered and surrounded.

"I think I'll take care of his drink, Shelley." Piper told her, coming around behind the bar and tapping Clark's shoulder. "You can come up now. She's gone." He said with amusement in his voice. "I take it your friends dragged you here, huh?"

Clark nodded, carefully looking straight down at the bar. "They thought it would be a good idea to... talk to people. Make... connections..."

"Watch boobs shake and butts shimmy?" Piper finished for him with a rueful grin.

"That too." Clark gave a strangled laugh. "I... am obviously out of place here."

"If it is any consolation? I am too. I'm just working tonight. Now, what would you like to drink? I'll steer the girls away from you too, if that will help." Piper smirked. "Let them know they are barking up the wrong tree, so to speak."

"I'd... really appreciate it. And a beer would be fine." Clark breathed a sigh of relief. "Matches takes a bit too much joy in watching me flounder in these types of situations."

"The others just think you're... shy, huh? They don't realize you honestly truly don't find it comfortable?" Piper asked as he poured him a beer. He looked sympathetic as Clark nodded. "I'm Piper."

"Calvin." Clark remembered his undercover name just in time, just before he almost slipped up and used his real one.

"Nice to meet you, Calvin." Piper smiled. "Trickster likes to do that kind of thing to me too. Like Matches with you? It's annoying. He thinks he's being funny." He rolled his eyes. "One of these days though..." He shook his head.

"Pop him one on the kisser?" Clark chuckled. "I would do that to Matches, but he'd kill me later."

"Yeahhhhh, I think Trickster would have a heart attack first. But later? Definitely kill me." He nodded. "So for the most part, I just try to not react too much, and eventually? He'll leave it alone." Piper shrugged. "It's a reaction they're looking for. Take away the reaction, and they'll start in on something else. Pick something you don't actually mind, pretend that you do, and they'll obsess over that for a while. It's a kind of reprieve at least."

Clark nodded. He was surprised. He was having a nice conversation. With a 'Rogue'.

Trickster ducked behind the bar and grabbed a bottle, putting it on a tray and flagging down one of the girls. "Take this to table five. Lex is here." He ordered, grinning as he surveyed his 'domain'. He was in his element orchestrating this event.

"You are having way too much fun with this." Piper sighed, leaning against the counter as Trickster scooted around behind him.

"Do you not see where we are?" Trickster gestured grandly around him. "Piper, this is paradise!"

"How many times, do we have to have this conversation. They. Do. Nothing. For. Me." Piper explained slowly. "Big bouncing boobies are not interesting to me. Bring me the Chippendale dancers? And then we'll talk."

Trickster stuck his tongue out and made a face. "Why did I bring you tonight?"

"I've been asking myself that, since you dragged me out of my apartment." Piper sighed, looking heavenward before shaking his head at 'Calvin'. "See what I mean?" He tilted his head toward Trickster.

Clark raised his brows as pieces slid into place. "Um... yeah." He slowly nodded. Mentally, he was reviewing his options for escape. He felt rather trapped.

"Aren't you one of the mafia mobstery type guys?" Trickster asked as he popped the cap off a bottle of beer and took a swig of it. "Don't they really frown on that type of thing?" He asked, miming someone getting shot.

Piper smacked Trickster's arm. Hard. "Shut up. Don't you dare get him shot!"

"Hey..." Trickster squinted at Piper. "You're not trying to score with this guy, are you?" He frowned and narrowed his eyes further. His face darkened and the smile of earlier was gone without a trace. He was nearly snarling.

Piper crossed his arms over his chest. "That, is none of your business. But for your information, we were just talking. And you will NOT get him shot because of your big fat mouth, do you understand me?" Piper growled back at Trickster.

"Is he hitting on you?" Trickster demanded to know, slamming his bottle down on the counter. Foam spilled from the opening and puddled at the base. The beer was now abandoned and ignored as they glared at each other.

"Oh, like you would care. Or even SHOULD care!" Piper scoffed. "You're straight, remember? As you are so fond of reminding me, that is when you're not being a huge jerk and playing off me. Stop acting jealous, you jackass!"

"Is he hitting on you?" Trickster repeated severely, his arms crossed over his chest and glared first at Piper and then at 'Calvin'. His voice was rising, and the vein in his temple began to throb.

"I'm just... going to go... over there." Clark cleared his throat and backed away slowly. He didn't know what he was more embarrassed about. The fact that Piper thought he was gay, or the fact that somehow he'd gotten in the middle of some kind of weird... thing... between the two Rogues.

"Did you learn anything?" Batman asked as Clark sat down, his voice was a low rumble.

"That Trickster is in denial, annnnnd that Piper is never going to have sex again at this rate." Clark said in an almost distracted manner. "And that this is the best beer I've ever had. Excuse me, I'm going to make a strategic withdrawal to the outside."

"You mean run away from the naked women?"

"That too." Clark cleared his throat and made his way to escape via the back door.

Every time one of them had tried to discuss business, weapons, or who might be at the 'event' in question? Whomever it was that they spoke to would shut them down. 'We're not discussing anything tonight. Strippers.' And then they would go back to stuffing ones down their G-string and getting lap dances.

Eventually though, Trickster came out and waved his arms. "Okay, okay, everyone simmer down. Now! Now, we are here to honor the man of the hour. A man, that after tomorrow, will walk that last mile. A man that... we will mourn as he goes to his fate. May he forever be remembered for how he used to be. We're going to miss you, man." Trickster sounded so mournful, that the heroes tensed and gave each other worried looks.

The man in question stood up and smacked Trickster on the back hard enough to make him stumble. He had brown hair, and black and red eyes. His accent screamed that he was British. "I'll miss you all, guys... but don't mourn for me. For where I go, will be a far far better and happier place than any I've been before." He intoned. "May my Goddess forever smile on me, and never find me wanting."

With that, everyone raised their glasses in a toast and downed their drinks before the strippers came out again and rubbed their bodies against everyone willing to shove a bill down into an intimate place, while Piper played 'Taps' for the man with the black and red eyes.

"It sounds almost like a suicide mission." Arrow said with a grim look. Though whether his look was grim because of the idea of a suicide mission by an unknown villain, or because Dinah was presently glaring daggers at him and the faint hickey that was on his neck. It was hard to tell.

"One last big send off." GL shook his head. "A wake for the dead man walking? What do you think he's going to do?"

"What if he IS the weapon?" Wonder Woman asked suddenly. "What if he's one of those that can... detonate? What if he intends to go out with a 'big bang'?"

"That's insane!" Flash protested.

"It's been done before." She pointed out. "And I can imagine that if someone was depressed enough? But wanted their family to profit, this would be the way to do it. Auction off their death to benefit someone else. They would give the money to their family, then they do the 'job', and because the villain dies as a result, there would be no further investigation usually and no one else gets pinned for it."

"That makes a scary kind of sense." Flash looked vaguely ill, as did a couple of the others.

"So we're going to meet them, and they're taking us to the get-together?" Arrow asked, he pressed his lips together, carefully not looking toward Black Canary. He was almost sure she was going to blow HIM up, given half the chance. It was an accident though! That stripper's lips totally slipped and fell on his neck. He merely... caught her. Yeah, sounded lame to him too!

Batman nodded. "In about two more hours. Black Canary? Kill Arrow AFTER the mission." He told her before he turned away and went back to the room he was using. "After that, you can throw him down the cavern in the Bat Cave if you want. No one will ever look there."

"Thanks a lot, Bratman." Arrow grumbled as Batman left the room.

"If you can't take the punishment, don't do the crime." Flash told Arrow in a low voice.

"You've been hanging out with Batman again..." Green Lantern shook his head.

"Oh for..." Flash bitched.

"I wonder how deep that cavern is..." Dinah said faintly, causing Arrow to swallow hard.

Under his breath, Flash started to hum Taps.

They stepped out of the van that had picked them up, and were directed into the warehouse. It looked abandoned from the outside. Decrepit and unused. Falling apart. It was remote as well, despite the buildings nearby. The entire area was falling into disrepair and would probably be bulldozed eventually. But once they were through the doors?

It was not what they were expecting at all! Not that they knew what they were expecting. But this was definitely not it!

They sat down toward the back, with those that looked 'human'. It seemed to be almost segregated between human and 'other'. But the 'other' was hard to define. And it wasn't definite either. Because there seemed to be some mixing between the two groups. One person had horns and a long face, while another looked almost... angelic. Blond hair, blue eyes, white clothing. Yet another looked reptilian and at least one seemed to be dragon like.

A hooded figure sat near the back, smelling of the grave, while clawed hands rested quietly on his lap. Beside him a man with long black hair and a large hawkish nose spoke animatedly and laughed happily. On the other side of him, a man with black curly hair waited, dressed in black leathers with metal studs in them. He looked bored. And beside him? A man with red hair, and wearing a toga made from a bedsheet. Blue with yellow flowers. He would lean forward and talk to the other two men, while the leather clad man seemed to ignore them all, even though it was obvious he was with them. It was only when Flash looked carefully that he saw the fangs in their mouths.

The room was painted white, or as white as they could get it, but there was no artificial lighting. Therefore, it was somewhat dark. Torches were lit around the room, as well as candles. The room was decorated with flowers, and gauzy sparkily ribbons and scarves. It looked almost... romantic?

"Kinda... pretty." Dinah finally admitted after an uncomfortable moment. "New assessment? Slavery? Maybe?"

But that didn't make sense either! Did it?

The Rogues were seating people, straightening chairs, bringing out more chairs. Meeting people at the door. And rather than wearing a suit, like many, they were in robes, belted at the waist with the same kind of scarves that seemed to decorate the warehouse and the chairs and tables.

Captain Cold tripped over the end of his robe at one point, and he started hiking it up in his hands as he moved down the aisle. Grumbling.

"Snowblindness!" Lex Luthor pretended to shield his eyes from the man's pale legs.

"Funny Luthor. Funny." Cold grumbled again. "You can still find yourself helping, you know."

"Oh no. I'll just leave this to you all. After all, you've been practicing for two weeks now, right? I'll just sit here and... cheer you all on." Lex winked. He paused as he looked in the back row, and his eyes fell on Clark Kent. Clark felt a moment of panic, but Lex didn't say anything. Instead, he tilted his head and snorted. Shaking his head and rolling his eyes, he sat down.

Without a word.

He was obviously recognized. But... why wasn't Luthor saying anything? Revealing that a reporter was in their midsts? Clark held on to the edge of his seat, denting the metal as he frantically tried to figure out what was really going on. He tried to use his hearing, but no one was saying anything important!

Trickster ran down the aisle, holding the end of his robe in one hand, and holding a tall pointed hat on top of his head with the other. The robes were a rich chocolate color, shot through with red in places, almost like flames. The hat, which reminded them of a 'sorcerers' hat, was the same color. The same gauzy scarf material that decorated the room, and were used as belts was also attached to the top of the hat and came to rest underneath his chin on the opposite side.

To say it was a strange outfit for an auction or... anything... was an understatement. "Piper! PIPER!" Trickster whisper-shouted through the door. "Come on! You have to go in there. He's freaking out!"

"I'm not coming out. And you can't make me!" Piper shouted through the door, calling for the amused attention of the guests.

Lex Luthor tittered in the corner, beaming at the door. "I am so glad I passed on this."

Clark hunched down and tried not to be seen, but was also confused to see Lex so obviously enjoying himself.

"Oh for... I'm already dressed. If I can handle it, you sure as hell can! It's only for a little while. Get out here and help me with Tom! He's getting cold feet. Well, kind of literally since I had Len freeze his feet in place to keep him from running." Trickster leaned against the door. "Come on! Help me out here!"

"Just tell him that it is relatively painless. He has nothing to worry about. He's USED to looking this dorky." Piper called out. "He's not nearly as traumatized..."

"Piper, you wear polka dots. And your hat is usually LIMP! At least now it has true phallic symbolism. For fuck's sake, your usual uniform has what looks almost like a skirt! And you've worn tights! You have NO room to throw stones about these outfits!" Trickster hollared back.

"I'm in a DRESS! I'm NOT a DRAG QUEEN! And at least I don't wear hot-pants!" Piper yelled through the door, causing half the room to smother laughter. Bruce cleared his throat and refused to look any of his companions in the eyes.

"It's not a dress. They're ROBES!" Trickster protested. "And hey, I'm liking the air flow, if truth be known."

"You're not wearing anything under..." Piper broke off, peeking through the door despite his best intentions.

"Well... figure it is like a kilt. You're not supposed to wear anything under those either." Trickster twisted his hips making the bottom of his robes swish around his legs. "Not exactly the right thing to go airwalking in, true, but... come OUT ALREADY!" The door slammed shut again.

Boomerang came up to the door and hammered on it. "Get yer bloody arse out here before I break it down, you bloomin' idiot. If I can swallow my pride, you sure as bloody hell can!" He kicked the door for good measure and then hopped on one foot as he rubbed his toes. Sandals were not made for kicking doors.

"I'll come out, but not one word. From any of you! Or I'll blow your ear drums out! I'm warning you!" He said in a threatening voice as he cracked the door open.

"You look lovely." Trickster assured, grabbing Piper by the arm and dragging him back down the aisle the way he'd arrived.

Piper's robes were not precisely like the other Rogues.

It was more of a vanilla color. But it still had the red flames shot down the side. And his 'scarf' material was the same glittery white gauze that was part of the decorations.

And as he was pulled rapidly down the aisle by Trickster, he caught the edge of his robe, pulling it up like a woman trying to run in a dress.

"What in the hell are they doing?" Arrow muttered, leaning over toward GL.

"I have no idea. But it seems that this Tom doesn't want to go through with it, and they're trying to force him to." GL shook his head.

"Maybe we should put a stop to this, now." Superman pressed his lips together and stood up, walking down the aisle toward where Trickster and Piper disappeared. He pointedly ignored Lex who was smirking at him, his arms folded over his chest. Lex made no move to stop him, or reveal who he was. Still!

Batman stood up and followed behind, leaving the others seated to watch and wait.

"Would you unfreeze my feet?" Tom was demanding as Superman and Batman opened the door. "It was just a momentary... uh... what is the word?"

"Fear? Terror? Horror?" Trickster offered as Heat Wave melted the ice. "Mind numbing crippling--"

"Tricks? Stop helping." Piper instructed. "Look, it's going to be all right. You know, if you're really not sure about this? You can back out. We'll just... But if you're just nervous, don't let anything or anyone frighten you out of this! In the end? We want you to be happy."

Clark frowned, looking at Batman. Batman squinted at them all.

"Oh, look... it's Calvin and Matches. Guests should be sitting down out there." Trickster said blandly, beginning to glare again. "Go on out there. Before I have you escorted out."

"Leave Calvin alone, James." Piper sighed, giving Trickster a disgruntled look. "You've been bitching since last night about him."

"He's not even a local." Trickster gestured wildly at Superman. "He's... He's all... ugh."

"Not you?" Tom suggested. Trickster glared at Tom and Tom shrugged. Busy smoothing down his robes and shook out his sandals of water. He was immune to Trickster's glares.

"Can we argue about this later? We're here to help Tom and Val!" Piper stood up, hands on his hips again, glaring at Trickster. "And if I have to wear a DRESS, then by god you are not ruining this!"

"Robes." Both Trickster and Tom said in unison.

"I'm wearing a pointy version of the I Dream of Jeannie hat. It's a dress!" Piper hissed between his teeth.

"Wellllll your 'booooyfriend'..." Trickster said snidely while pointing at Clark. "Needs to go back to his seat."

"He's not my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in months. Because YOU keep chasing them OFF!" Piper's fingers twitched for his flute. "Now get out of my way." He said in a low voice that even made Batman nod in approval. Now, see, if Flash did it that way? It would work!

Bruce blinked though as he realized what they were arguing about. Or more importantly, WHO and then turned to look at Clark who opened his mouth to say something and then kind of shrugged helplessly. "I... um..."

"You and I need to talk later." Bruce said in a low voice that mirrored Piper's.

"Just go sit down, and we'll be ready to start soon." Trickster gestured for them all to get out as Tom's feet finally dried thanks to Heat Wave's continued 'blow drying'. "Just a case of nerves before the big moment. Go sit down. Everything is going to be fine. This is a happy joyous day... everyone is going to have fun even if I have to KILL YOU ALL TO DO IT!" Trickster roared as he shoved them out the door.

They were ushered out, and then ushered to their seats by a still grumbling Boomerang and his partner in ushering Rainbow Raider. They were the SUPER Ushers, damn it! And by god they better get free drinks after all this.

"What the hell is going on?" Arrow asked, looking irritated as the two men sat back down.

"The guy from last night, got nervous. Started to back out. They talked him back into it. Something about making him happy, and someone named Val." Superman reported quietly. "And we better enjoy ourselves, or Trickster is going to go on a spree and kill us all. Luthor knows I'm here, but just thinks Clark Kent has snuck in to cover the story. I have no idea why he hasn't revealed me yet."

Flash was trying not to tap his foot and frowned. "I have a bad feeling about this. Something is definitely not right here."

"No shit, Sherlock." Arrow snorted.

Just as they were about to stand again, and start to demand answers, the door opened and Piper ran down the aisle, holding one end of his robes and holding his hat on his head much like Trickster had before. He opened the door at the end of the aisle and disappeared through it while Trickster, Heat Wave, and the mysterious Tom stepped in.

Heat Wave's robes were red and gold, and his hat was 'flat' on the top.

It seemed to be the signal, because everyone immediately quieted down and straightened in their seat.

"Here we go." Flash whispered, tensing to be ready for anything.

Music started and for a moment it was startling and disorienting as it was strangely familiar and yet alien. Dinah realized first what they were hearing and her eyes widened.

Here comes the bride...

The doors opened and through them Piper and a woman in a long flowing dress, the same color as Piper's robes stepped through. Everyone stood, including those that looked as though they came from the pits of hell. One weeped quietly, wiping its eyes. "She's so beautiful." The... female? whispered.

They slowly walked down the aisle, as the redheaded woman gave everyone a small smile. She looked fierce. Powerful. Strong. Magical. And not because she was a bride. She was some kind of magic user, and she gave off waves of the presence of that magic.

Her hair was curly, and short. And in some odd strange way, it looked almost like somehow she and Piper could be related... somehow. Though it was hard to really pinpoint where that resemblance was.

An ankh was around her neck, and her bracelet was covered in runes.

Heat Wave smiled as they approached. "We stand before all this beautiful summer day, to witness the joining of Thomas Lee Sheppard-Nygma also known as Concussion and Valentina Hellebell also known as The Hell Belle. Welcome are you friends and family of this couple. Today, before you and before the Gods, we shall witness a transformation! A transformation as Tom and Val share vows and become one."

Piper took her hand, and then Trickster took Tom's... the two men brought their hands together and then Piper placed Val's hand within Tom's. Then the two men took positions behind the couple.

"It's a wedding." Dinah breathed, her arm slipping through Ollie's.

Ollie developed a deer in the headlights look as he realized what was going on, and that... he was attending a wedding with his girlfriend.

"Well..." Flash started and then broke off at Batman's glare.

"Oh yeah, I'm in trouble." Flash muttered. "In my defense? I had no idea that Heat Wave was ordained or something."

"Shh!" Dinah smacked at his arm. "This is interesting!" She told them. "Isn't she so beautiful?"

"Her code name is Hell Belle." Arrow protested, but then got his arm smacked for his trouble.

"Her family looks like demons." Green Lantern pointed out.

Someone sitting in front of them turned around and smirked. "That's because they are. She's from a Hell Realm." He winked, and then turned back to face forward. "They asked Heat Wave to officiate because his element is Fire. The same as 'theirs'."

Flash's eyes widened and carefully turned to look at the Bride's family. "Oh, boy." He whispered.

Meanwhile, Heat Wave had continued with the ceremony. Flash turned his attention back to it in time to hear him say, "Tom and Valentina, you stand before me, the Gods, and this company, having desired the bond of marriage. Do you do this of your own free will, coming here today without coercion or pressure from other persons?"

As they answered both 'I do', Trickster pulled out a ribbon and tied it around the hands that he and Piper had put together.

"Will you seek to do each other harm?" Heat Wave asked.

'I will not.' They each answered. This time, Piper took a ribbon and tied it around their hands.

"And if harm is done, will you seek to repair it?" Heat Wave asked in a solemn tone.

"I will." They each answered once more. This time, it was Trickster's turn to tie the hands together, with yet another ribbon.

More questions, such as about honesty and support were asked, and each time a positive answer was given, the two Rogues would bind them with more ribbons.

"These things you have promised to your partner, before this company and the Gods. May you ever be mindful and strive to keep the vows you have spoken." Heat Wave reminded them.

"So sweet." Dinah sighed. And then punched Arrow in the arm giving him a severe look.

"What?" He rubbed his arm. "What did I do?"

"Hickey." She hissed.

He sighed. He was still in trouble.

"The latin phrase ⌠Vitam impendere vero■ means to consecrate one▓s life to truth, and so should truth be the meat of all your dealing within your marriage. Honesty, trust, communication, effort, understanding... all these are the building blocks of a firm marriage, and your solemn responsibility to one another. At this moment you stand at the gateway between your old life and your new. If you, for whatever reason, feel unable to step through that portal at this time, speak now." Heat Wave stepped back as Captain Cold took a step forward and took his place.

"Well, he's doomed now." Flash commented.

This time, Dinah smacked Flash instead of Arrow.

"Will all of you, present here and witnessing these vows, assist and support these two people in their union?" Captain Cold asked those assembled before them.

As one, the audience answered "I will."

Flash blinked to find himself also answering in the affirmative. But it had felt natural to do so.

Tom smiled and looked to Val. "I, Thomas Lee Sheppard-Nygma do recognize in you, my love, the form of the Goddess, she who gives life; my perfect other half, the shining part of my spirit, holy and human and revered in every way. I promise to honour you, as human and holy, knowing all that I say and all that I do is said and done to the Goddess as well."

She repeated the vow back, this time using the word God in its place. But expressing the same sentiment.

Quietly, they walked in a circle, reciting more vows as Piper and Trickster occasionally added or took away some element of the ceremony.

"We should have brought Zatanna." Bruce muttered.

Piper and Trickster presented the rings, and this time, it was they that spoke the ceremony. Together they walked from one Rogue to another. First they approached Captain Boomerang. "May the element of Air bless these rings." He clipped the rings to a boomerang and then threw it through the air, through smoky incense. It returned to his hand, and he handed each ring back to the other two Rogues.

"May the element of Fire, bless these rings." They presented it to Heat Wave, who used his weapon to pass them through fire.

"May the element of Water, bless these rings." Weather Wizard made it rain for a few seconds on the rings.

"May the element of Earth, bless these rings." And it was to Dr. Alchemy that they presented it to last. He touched it with his stone, turning them from one metal to another.

"Air for hopes and dreams; Fire for the spark of love; Water for harmony and healing; and Earth for strength. May these rings be so Blessed." Piper returned the rings to Val and Tom while Trickster stood to his side.

The couple exchanged the rings, a bit awkward due to the bindings, reciting more vows.

"You have witnessed the promises made by Thomas and Valentina one to another, and the exchange of the symbols of their union. They are now connected to experience together whatever life may bring them." Heat Wave once more took his position in front of them and held out his hands.

Trickster and Piper carefully untied them and then presented the couple with the ribbons.

Together they held them and then grinned.

"Aw, come on." Trickster laughed as he felt himself held into place by Cold grabbing his shoulders. Boomerang grabbed Piper and shoved him next to Trickster. And then Tom quickly tied their hands together.

"I'm pretty sure this is NOT part of the ceremony!" Piper called out.

"It is now!" Thomas laughed, knotting the ribbons. "You two, have been bickering like a married couple since we started planning this wedding. Just get it over with."

"Pretty sure it isn't legal for two guys to marry." Weather Wizard observed.

"Like we're ever worried about legalities?" Cold asked seriously. "It's symbolic anyway."

"I'm not gay." Trickster pointed out as he tugged on their joined hands.

"No. But you're possessive, jealous, and the only thing that doesn't exist between you two is sex... so far." Thomas told him.

"Sooooo, you're getting married!" Val laughed.

"TAKE IT FROM THE TOP!" Tom yelled, with a cheer. The audience laughed and clapped. "And then, we're partying like you've never partied before!" The audience cheered louder.

"Flash?" Batman intoned.

"Yeah?"

"You're on monitor duty, for life."

Flash sighed and sunk further down in his seat.


End file.
